My Life As A Depressed, Wilderness Christian
How aware are you that when you think of Egypt (as the children of Israel did) you are reflecting on sin – SIN the object, the sin that God redeemed you from? This is the sin the devil entices you with as a fisherman baiting the hook with food to entice and then catch the fish.
The question you MUST ask yourself is, “How easily and how long will you permit the enticement to have control over you?” NEVER say “I know better; that will never happen to me”.
You must recall the first letter to the Corinthians – I Corinthians 10:12-13 – “Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way of escape, that ye may be able to hear it”.
This is absolutely critical for your victory. For if you are ignorant of or purposely reject the grace of God, as a fish you will be fried. And how very quickly you will discover yourself in the frying pan.
What a tragic testimony for Christ this is! I recall so vividly how I lived like this for 17 years as a Christian. I complained, was constantly impatient and angry, and often grumbled. I was a very unpleasant person to be around. I was always negative, drowning myself in self-pity. I struggled every day in my Christian walk to the point of suffering two very severe, nervous breakdowns. I finally realized that I had very severe depression. I had always denied it, basically living in daily fear and anxiety. Fear definitely was the underlying cause of my wilderness. I would cry myself to sleep every night.
I behaved exactly as a child of Israel in the wilderness. I complained, cried, and pouted every day. I was a baby; and like a baby, I wanted what I wanted and I always wanted it now. I cried how unfair life was. (Yet, if anyone was treated unfairly, wasn’t it Jesus?) How we as carnal Christians always have the audacity to complain! The worse thing to do with this type of baby, this type of carnal Christian, is to give him what he wants instead of what he needs. This is what Moses did in the wilderness; he gave the babies their baby bottles to suck on instead of the needs from the Lord. All a carnal Christian wants is his baby bottle of milk to suck on, instead of the meat he needs to chew on.
How could Jesus ever make such a person mature? NEVER – as long as the carnal Christian remains a baby in the wilderness. I confidently assure you, though, that I personally know how faithful and patient Jesus is. I am no longer a baby, a wilderness Christian. I attempt to now live as His teachable, humble child, no longer crying like a baby.
I have entered Canaan so Christ can live and grow in me. Yes, I have relapses of Egypt, but the recovery is very quickly. Why is there a very quick recovery? Because His love is rooted deeply in me. Only His deep love for me is my motivation.
The Holy Spirit has renewed my mind to only see Christ – my Canaan, my new nature. What a treasure! Brethren, do not sell yourself short for second-hand religion in the wilderness, instead of Christ the person, God living in you now. Yes, living in you now! Outstanding! Superb