My Personal Insight To Victory Over Depression – Part 2
During this time that I was learning the full gospel (especially the 2nd half that His life as God in me was what I was missing), I was still severely depressed. Satan continued to have a very big stronghold on my family. My emotions were like a yo-yo, always up and down everyday. My life was built on sand, always crumbling whenever the smallest breeze of fear hit.
God always knew that I sincerely loved Him during my depression. It took a little longer for me to see in my mind the truth of His resurrected life as my victory. He now was renewing my mind. He lived in my heart; He now had to work it out in my head. It took many years, but today I have the victory. I never want to go through depression again. But, I never want to change one thing or one day of what I experienced. It was all for the sake of knowing the intimate love of Jesus in me.
This is what life is all about – JESUS CHRIST! I grow more in love with Him everyday. I truly become overwhelmed by His love daily.
It took a few more years for this truth to become deeply rooted in me. Once this occurred, I was now ready to bear God’s fruit. I remember this moment so vividly when I awoke one morning in January 1996. All I could think about was “Jesus lives in me.” My yo-yo life was now over PERMANENTLY. Suddenly, Jesus was all I would think about throughout every day. All I could focus on was (1) He resides in me right now and (2) how deeply He loves me. I did not even have to force myself to do it. He truly was taking over. If one experiences this everyday, how could you not love God back?
Now I understood the full, complete gospel. (1) Jesus died to destroy the disease (sin) that killed me. (2) Jesus rose from the dead to reside in me as God forever.
John 12:24 now made perfect sense. “Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.” Jesus had to give up His life in death as man in order to share His life in me as God. WOW! No wonder it is so easy to love and praise God. What a motivation His love is!
Jesus had to give up His life in death as man in order to share His resurrected life in you as God.
Now that I clearly understood that only Jesus could live the Christian life through me, it became easy to rest in His intimate love for me. I rested totally confident of His love and grace for me. I rested totally dependent, 24 hours per day, on the life of Jesus to live through me. It became a rest like a branch totally resting and depending on the life of the vine to flow through it. I stopped struggling in my Christian life to please God. I stopped attempting to give my best for Jesus to produce His fruit. As a branch, I am only to bear the fruit that He produces through me. The fruit will truly be God’s fruit. Galatians 5:22-23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance.”
This is why the Christian life now became and continues to be utterly joyful. His deep-rooted love was bursting forth and overflowing out of me very easily and very naturally. Jesus healed me of depression. He showed me the reality and the difference between my old nature flesh and my new nature Himself. The Christian life truly was now becoming a joy to live. The Christian life is God’s life alive residing in me and living through me. Jesus Christ is a life that a hurting, love-starved world so desperately needs to see exhibited through God’s family. The Christian life finally made sense because the Christian life is Jesus Christ.
Gradually His love began to flow out of me more regularly than ever. Jesus truly had trained me to think with the following mindset: it did not matter what I did, what I said, or where I went as long as Jesus directed me to. All I focused on was that whomever I encountered, I only desired for them to see the love of Jesus in me, to see Christ in me. With Jesus living through me, I became convinced that a “Good Morning” said to a stranger is just as important as a minister delivering a loving message. They are equally important because Jesus is the author of both. You may never know how critical it is when you say “Good Morning” or “God bless you” to a stranger. That person may be at the end of her rope questioning God’s love. So, basically, just let Jesus live the Christian life through you. It is to be only Jesus in all our words, actions, and thoughts. I was no longer interested in results. Results were now God’s business. I was so absorbed everyday with His personal love for me that I really had no time to focus at length on other things, especially Satan. I did not desire to focus on anything except His love. The Christian life, Jesus Christ living through you, is quite simple.