VICTORY OVER DEPRESSION: “Masking” The Broken Heart.
As I look back many years ago when I was a young Christian, I persistently prayed for an increase of spiritual gifts. I sure wanted them to help the body of Christ. My desire and prayers were very sincere. However, I was immature (not in a selfish way); I was not ripe to be used (to fly) in this area. (One can be very sincere, but sincerely wrong.) I did not know it then, but what I really needed was a deeper, intimate walk with Jesus. After all, I was “masking” my severe depression during this time.
Because I was covering up my depression (and all my flesh), God could not trust me to share His love to a hurting world. Why would He? I needed His love for myself first, to heal my own heart and hurts. Otherwise, I definitely would have abused His love. Basically, my prayer for spiritual gifts was very ego-driven. My flesh would have been so puffed up; I would have bragged and shown off my spiritual gifts. I would always be looking out the corner of my eye to see who noticed “how spiritual I was.” What an abuse of the love and grace of God! It is now so easy to understand why God never gave me more spiritual gifts. He surely answered my prayer, but in His way. I definitely needed a deeper, intimate love relationship with Him. I am so grateful. He quickly reminded me often of Matthew 6:33 “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”
It probably may be the same for you. How many of your prayers and motives are driven by your flesh? How often do you peer out the corner of your eyes to see who notices “how very spiritual you are”? Only you can answer that. Be very honest with yourself. Do you not desire the love of Jesus to root deeper into your heart and life? Spend intimate, silent time with Jesus often. Keep your heart open to His love. The Holy Spirit will reveal your true motives. Do not run away when He reveals more of your flesh desires. Acknowledge them and face them. It is only Jesus permitting you opportunities to die to them. GOD WILL REMOVE EVERY PROP WE HIDE BEHIND.
God is looking for which of His children He can trust more to share His very intimate love with to a hurting world. Do you agree? Do you think you can easily abuse His love and grace? Do you believe you need a deepening awareness of your intimate love with Jesus? You do this as you die daily to your flesh desires for power and popularity in the Christian world, especially the world of spiritual gifts. Only the Lord will show your own specific answers. Then, I assure you – He will elevate Himself in you and through you because He can trust you more to share His love and grace to people. People will most definitely see the love of God flowing from you very clearly and very easily. You will be ready to fly only as God intends you to fly.